New Anger Management Tip in my Mental Health and Relationship Toolbox

Since deciding to change the course of my therapy and counseling blog from articles/tips/tools based to more free flow thoughts (old-school blog style), I've stopped adding my relationship and mental health articles and tips here. You can still find my previous work on this blog but everything new will go directly onto my therapy website www.lisakifttherapy.com


So - I will post here whenever I've added something new over there in case anyone is interested in checking out. Speaking of that, I have a new anger management tip I've in my Mental Health and Relationshipm Toolbox and here's the link:

Mental Health: 3 Tools for Effective Anger Management

Warmly,
Lisa

A Common Therapy Issue: Creating Life Balance

In therapy and counseling, I see a lot of people struggling to balance their lives. With careers, family obligations, friends and the general fast pace at which many of us move (me included) "balance" can be elusive. You sprinkle in expectations others place on us - and the expectations we place on ourselves and it can be a tangled mess leading to emotional and physical exhaustion.

There are three things I've found to be helpful in starting to get serious about life balance. Here they are:

1) Slow down long enough to be able to think clearly and assess where you're at. Part of the problem is that fast movers tend to become such a blur of momentum that their thinking process also becomes unclear. It's times like these when irrational thinking can get the best of you (i.e. "I have to get this done or it will be the end of the world.") and irrational thinking doesn't serve anyone well. In my individual therapy practice, I work a lot with helping people identify, notice and stop the irrational thinking process.

2) Identify Your Belief Systems. What do you believe about achievement, success, taking care of people and the like. Are you a human "doing" vs a human "being?"

3 What's really important to you? Where are your priorities? Could you benefit from them shifting? Could others benefit from them shifting? I had a recent experience where I had to do some serious soul searching about my own priorities. I tend to be attach too much value to achieving and need to continue to remind myself of what's really important to me.

There has been so much written on "balance" and I think that's because it's such a problem for so many people - and not an easy thing to master. In addition, our societal values challenge this on a daily basis. However, it can be accomplished with effort, awareness and "checking in" with yourself.

Warmly,
Lisa
www.lisakifttherapy.com

Do I Tell People I'm a Therapist?

I've had interesting social experiences lately when people have learned that I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist...I was at a party last weekend and this guy that I've seen around at similar gatherings came up to me and said, "So I hear you're a shrink?" I politely corrected him, "I'm not a psychiatrist but a Marriage and Family Therapist..." He paused and retorted, "Same thing." My husband was standing near me and the guy quipped to him, "You should be scared of that." I know he was joking but in a way it got me thinking about some of the preconcieved ideas people have about therapists.

I've had plenty of other experiences where people have found out I'm a therapist and have shared their personal stories, relationshp problems and the like. I don't mind that so much at times but I find myself wondering how it would be a different exchange if I'd told them I was a school teacher...or a CPA...or work in advertising. In my "previous life" when I worked in the movie industry people responded in a particular way to that too but very differently than this career. There was definately a fascination with the movie work but never a slightly fearful response.

My question is this: Are people afraid of therapists? Are they imagining that I might tinker in their heads or something? I think some might.

People are curious about my profession I for sure - some interested, some wanting advice, some fearful and suspicious. Maybe I'll try a social experiment at the next gathering of people I don't know so well and "change my career" to see what happens...

To be continued...

Warmly,
Lisa
www.lisakifttherapy.com

Tell Me Your Bad Therapy Experiences!

After all that I've written about what to expect in therapy/counseling, whether the process "works" and the like - I got to wondering about what some of the bad therapy experiences people out there have had. Therapists are "people" too who have lapses in judgement, have made mistakes or been downright unethical! Or it might be a matter of personality mismatch.

I'm curious to know if anyone is interested in sharing their story by commenting to this post.

Warmly,

Lisa
www.lisakifttherapy.com

Has Your Therapist Had Therapy?

There are a lot of aspects to finding an individual or relationship therapist. Everyone has a different priority list ranging from cost, location, education, gender and more. What about whether the therapist has done any of his/her own therapy work?Some graduate schools require their students have a certain number of therapy hours as a client - but many don't. Do you want to work with someone who knows what it's like to sit in the client's seat? I did. And having done my own work before becoming a therapist, I can't imagine doing this work without the experience.

Therapists are ethically (and legally in some cases) bound not to let our own "crap" seep into the therapy room. And because we are all human and have our own sensitivities and vulnerabilities due to our own previous experiences - this can be difficult at times.

There are possible signs that your therapist might be letting his/her own "junk" interfere in the relationship:

1) Excessive emotion and telling of personal stories to an extent where it feels the session becomes about them.

2) Engaging in an inappropriate and untherapeutic relationship with the cleint (some of this can be illegal).

3) Being critical, judgemental, angry - or appearing to have had a hot button triggered in some way.We are taught and are obligated not to allow our "stuff" cloud the client's therapy session.

Therapists who have done their own therapy and worked through - or are working through - their own issues will be more equipped to be helpful to the consumer.When shopping for a therapist, I propose that one asks whether they've done any of their own work. I'd be thrilled to get that question - but I never have. I think it's a damn good one.

Warmly,
Lisa
www.lisakifttherapy.com